The Fuel Crises (written late October)

Cars queuing - you can see the fuel station in the distance

Since I arrived 2 weeks ago and saw vehicles queuing for fuel on my way from the airport, things have gotten increasingly worse. From what I understand, Malawi is short on foreign currency reserves (hence why people are offering to buy USD from me on black market prices almost 50% above the actual exchange rate). This has caused difficulties for Malawi in importing fuel which is coming in to the country less and less frequently. When news of a petrol station having fuel gets out, the station is buzzing with activity within minutes.

People queue down the streets and the station gets quickly packed with fuel-hungry vehicles. Some people wait all day for fuel and go home empty handed. The crisis has caused costs of transport (basic van-taxis that people use as public transport) to rise 50% this past week. Prices of soft drinks have doubled and the price of bread recently went up 16%. Although we all (myself included) are feeling the impact of the crises, as always, the countries’ poor are experiencing the effects most harshly. I may have to call 10 taxis and have my Friday evening plans delayed by an hour or two, but many people can’t even afford salt to eat with their basic meal of Nsima (ground up corn mixed with water) or buy basic commodities such as bread.

Vehicles queuing down the road for fuel

Over dinner on Thursday night with my new fellow-Canadian friend Kate, she remarked on how something ‘felt different’ this week. I agree with her that there is a certain tension in the air as this country’s beautiful and warm people carry an increasingly heavy burden and survival becomes even more difficult. 

Electricity (or lack thereof)

The ESCOM (power supplier) office for Malawi

Blackouts have become a part of daily life. I always have a small flashlight with me so that I do not, literally and figuratively; find myself completely in the dark.

Most of the cuts I have experienced are in the evening when I am at the lodge. The sun sets incredibly early here although it is summer. By 6 o’clock it is pitch black. The unfortunate thing about this is that it is dangerous to walk outside after dark - especially alone.

Coming from a place where I have a lot of autonomy over where I go and when I choose to go there, this has been a bit of a struggle. I don’t have a vehicle and with the fuel crises, working taxis are hard to come by and quite expensive. This has led to many evenings by myself in the lodge. The lodge has 2 back-up generators but both have been broken for most of the week. As such, I have chuckled to myself many-a-time as I sit in the dark on my bed, eating peanut butter off my finger (as I don’t yet have a place where I can cook for myself or a spoon). I am trying to get protein, which is tough when you are a vegetarian in Malawi. After hungrily opening the jar and eating a few big mounds of PB off my finger, my throat and chest respond angrily by painfully contracting as if to tell me ‘you ate too much of a thick substance too fast’. I slow down and realize the humour in what is happening. I laugh and then feel even sillier for laughing alone in the dark, sticky in the heat, mosquito net overhead with peanut butter residue on my finger. Try not to judge me too harshly reader!

In seriousness, the black outs are much more problematic than my sitting hot in the dark eating PB with my hands. These unplanned outages have been increasing because ESCOM, the country’s electricity supplier cannot keep up with demand. When you couple the power shortage with the fuel crises (more on the fuel crises later), the results are impacting the lives of Malawians more seriously – even fatally. I read in the newspaper this morning that two women recently lost their lives in a hospital due to the blackouts. One was in labour and was rushed to the hospital due to complications. During the operation, the power went out and there wasn’t any fuel for the back-up generator. They couldn’t continue the operation, and both her and her child died. A few hours later in the same hospital, a woman came in who had had a heart attack. The power went out on the operating table and she too died.  The fuel crises also means that the same hospital only has one ambulance running.

Civil Society Meetings on HIV/AIDS Leadership Through Accountability – October 26 & 27, 2011

I had the privilege of attending 2 days of civil society meetings of HIV/AIDS non-government organizations this Wednesday and Thursday.

They were a fantastic opportunity to get a snapshot of the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the country and learn about Malawian responses.

I arrived with the WUSC-Malawi Country Director on Wednesday morning. I had been forewarned that time is viewed differently here, so I wasn’t surprised when, at 9:30 (Meeting was scheduled to start at 9), the facilitator announced that 3 meeting attendees were running late and asked if it would be ok if we waited another 45 minutes for them?

Consensus was reached that we would wait. The meetings officially opened after 10.

Something I have learned quickly about meetings here is that they always start and end with a prayer.

*A word on the prayers: They seemed a bit odd to me at first and I was quite skeptical of the practice. I must say that I am now quite enjoying the prayers.

Although I may not experience the act of prayer in the same way as most attendees (i.e. my spiritual belief system is not founded solely in any one religion and does not translate into taking the bible literally), I love the act of taking time to consciously and collectively set positive intention for the task at hand. I also enjoy the expression of gratitude. *

After the prayer and introductions, the facilitator announced that we would take our first break as it was 10:30 and many people hadn’t eaten or taken tea since breakfast!  We then took a 30 minutes break although we had yet to dive into the substance of the meetings.

About 5 minutes into the first presentation, the power cuts. The room immediately starts getting even hotter and we continue the presentations in the dark. By the end of the day, the power has gone off more times than I can count. This is becoming an increasing trend… but more on that later.

Some interesting things that I learned about HIV in Malawi:

-The infection rate has dropped in the past years from approximately 12% to 10.6%.

-Young women ages 15-24 are increasingly vulnerable to contracting HIV as the practice of transactional sex increases. The ‘sugar-daddy’ phenomenon is alive and well here as women have very little economic power. Many women will date and sleep with older, educated and wealthy men in return for the 3 C’s (Cash, Car, Cell Phone). Given the economic and traditional gender power disparities, it is difficult for women to negotiate condom use.

·        -In the same vein, HIV is also very present in educated, wealthy men. At the meetings, an out-spoken and fiery female representative from Malawi’s National AIDS Commission highlighted the irony of having a room of mostly educated, well-off men identifying ways to decrease HIV infection in the country.  She said that perhaps instead of trying to think of ways to empower economically disadvantaged women to negotiate condom use, the attendees should have a drink together after the meeting and consider what they should do in their personal lives to slow the spread of the virus. I wanted to stand up and applaud but opted to sit quietly in my seat instead. In another glorious moment she admits to personally be unable to use a female condom with her husband despite her relatively high economic power. She questioned out loud how she could expect a young, impoverished woman in a rural area to convince her partner to use a female condom when she herself could not.

·      -The practice of having multiple, concurrent sexual partnerships is a major contributor to the spread of HIV. In addition to a primary partner, many people (mostly men) are also having other sexual relationships. These vast sexual networks fuel the spread of the virus. Many people also select sexual partners based on if they ‘look like’ they have HIV. Others assume that they are already HIV positive and make riskier decisions accordingly.

·      -Although there is little data on this, ‘Minorities’ (the equivalent for the LGBTQ – Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer/Questioning…), and more specifically in this context Men who Have Sex with Men) are a very vulnerable group in Malawi. It is imagined that they are at high risk of contracting HIV and prevalence is estimated at 21% although there is not any ‘official’ data given that homosexuality is illegal. Biological factors as well as difficulty in accessing services (due to the illegality) make this a very grave issue.

·      -The state of gender inequality in Malawi, including Malawian women’s lack of sexual and reproductive health rights has had a horrific impact on young women as far as HIV is concerned. Cultural practices such as Chiharo (widow inheritance), kulowakufa (widow cleansing), fisi (initiation sex), chimwanamaye (spouse swapping) and bulangete la mfuma (pimping of a young virgin to a visiting traditional leader) fuel the spread of HIV in Malawi.

As you can tell, HIV is my area of interest, but I will spare you from more details as there is a strong possibility that you don’t find this as interesting as I do!

Needless to say, I was very touched by the passion and engagement of meeting participants. I am very excited to work on the advocacy team that will carry many of the issues going forward.

I am also ashamed that I had my first moments of emotional reaction to trying to operate in a different context. In pre-departure training, we were briefed about how it can be emotionally challenging when things don’t work out the way you believe they should when working in a different culture. A few times, I found myself feeling angry and frustrated at the process and speaking frankly and out of emotion. I don't think it showed as I managed to keep it professional, but I am still not ok with it becauseI know better than to do that. It is completely unacceptable. I am trying to be gentle with myself and take it as a learning experience, but it is difficult. I have spent some time reflecting on how it felt to become emotionally drawn into such a situation so that next time I can take a minute, breathe and then determine how to be most effective.

Day 2 - October 25, 2011

I wake up exhausted and roll out of bed, grab a quick shower and eat breakfast while waiting for Phalys to pick me up. She arrives and we head back to the WUSC offices to continue briefing.

I meet again with Alice and the country director and it is a productive but challenging meeting as we review expectations.

One partner wants me to lead and train a research team, although I have very little research experience.

The country director then explains to me that they want me to do a work plan for each of the organizations I will be working with, and indicates a number of items that he wants on each. Given that they have requested that I spread my time between 3 organizations, I want to temper expectations as to what I can realistically do.

They also start pushing my time in Lilongwe to 8 months. I really want to make sure that I get to MANASO in Blantyre and try to gently push back without being confrontational. After a delicate verbal dance without any resolution, I resolve to speak honestly with Alice tomorrow and explain my fears to her. I will tell her that I am scared that my time in Lilongwe will get pushed from 8 months to a year and that I wont end up going to Blantyre to work with the organization I was brought here to support.

I decide to also throw some patience and openness at it. I am not here for my own selfish purposes and I try to remind myself of that. I do however think that I will be of best use in my area of specialty and interest. 

I then meet 2 Canadian volunteers for lunch. They both look much like me – sandy haired, blue-eyed twenty somethings melting in the Malawian heat. They both seem a bit tired and wilted but are friendly and offer me some great tips.

After lunch I meet with the Executive Director of MANET+. It sounds like the organization is doing some fantastic advocacy work, and there are some files that I am very interested in working on. I hope that I get to spend a lot of time with them although my office is on the other side of town.

Phalys drives me back to Area 3 Lodge and I put on my sneakers, go for a pitiful little run and then come back and do some other exercises as to try to maintain some muscle strength. Everything is fried and fatty here and I am terrified that I will balloon up. Compared to the thin locals, I already feel like a little tank plodding around, oversized and bloated.

I go into the kitchen to heat up food and ask an employee where the garbage is. He looks a bit shocked, opens the fridge and starts rustling around. He defeatedly pulls out a head of lettuce and says that they are out of cabbage. It takes me a minute to realize that garbage kind of rhythms with cabbage and that we have had a miscommunication. After a few attempts to clarify, he looks at me oddly and says ‘you mean the rubbish’. Oops!

The most awkward miscommunication I have had thus far was when I asked if I was allowed to wear pants to work (rather than the long skirts that most women wear). I was gently but firmly told that ‘pants’ are underwear and that yes, I can wear trousers.

I have been making a concerted effort to learn words in Chichewa (Malawi’s National Language). The words continue to slip off my tongue and into nowhere. I hope that if I keep trying they will imprint themselves in my brain. I can’t seem to remember a single word other than mzungu (white person – this is easy because it is shouted at me all the time) and Zikomo (thank you).

So Zikomo for reading, I am off to bed, sticky under my mosquito net.

First Day (October 24, 2011)

After a night of confused nightmares (probably from the Malaria pills), I wake up, shower, dress and have breakfast (I drink both the B&B water and eat watermelon – I hope that is ok). Phalys, the driver picks me up and we head to the WUSC offices for the first day of orientation.

Everyone seems friendly at the offices and we sit down for a meet and greet.

Alice teaching me how to wear chitenje
 (traditional sarong worn commonly by
Malawian women as a wrap, to carry
babies or as a head piece)

I then have an ‘expectations and fears’ section with Alice, the program manager. She is lovely and hilarious and listens to me as I tell her about wanting to be useful but not wanting to impose the way that I think things should be done. I have been worried sick about the ethics of what I am doing. I want to help, support and ally – not repeat colonial and post-colonial patterns or follow one of many well-wishing volunteers who does more harm then good. She also teaches me how to wear a chitenje (traditional sarong worn commonly by Malawian women as a wrap, to carry babies or a head piece). 

She tells me that my mandate has been expanded to work with a second organization because MANET +, the umbrella organization for people living with HIV and AIDS does not have office space for me. As such, they found another local NGO that has a spare desk. FAWEMA is the Forum for African Women Educationalists (the MA is for the Malawi chapter). It sounds like they do some great work to encourage women to stay in school after having children. They also do a lot of training around HIV and sexual and reproductive health. The feminist in me likes the sounds of it!

Alice also thinks that the items that the church kindly donated through my Aunt Sandra’s coordination will be useful with some of the women’s groups. They have hygiene projects where women can stay at a special place when they are menstruating so that they can stay clean and go to school. Apparently a lot of girls don’t go to school during the week of their periods because of lack of hygienic items. Missing a week a month means that many can’t keep up or end up dropping out.

WUSC Malawi Staff @ Lunch

I then go to the CIDA program office to get a briefing of the Canadian development context in Malawi. The briefing officer invites me to join him at the Hash House Harriers weekly run that night. I happily agree.

After lunch with the program staff and a hilarious health briefing at the clinic, I head on a ‘City Tour’ with Steve. He shows me how to take the local transport – I bump my head getting into the overcrowded and sweltering minibus. We go to the local market and walk over the scariest bridge I have ever been on in my life. I get random thumbs-up from a few people – not too sure why but that’s ok!

After getting a SIM card and water we walk the few clicks back to my guesthouse.

I arrive sweaty, disoriented and exhausted and eat raw Mr.Noodles out of a bag because I don’t know where to find food.

The CIDA man picks me up at 5 and we go to the wildlife reserve where they take care of hurt animals. I have never seen anything like the Hash House Harriers!  You literally run along a path until you hit a junction and the fast runners run up ahead in both directions looking for a marker that indicates you are going the right way.

After about 8km of excursion through the bush, passing a one eyed lion (among other animals), crawling a pipe over a river and running over yet another scary bridge, we end up at the reserve bar. A few wood stools and a bar fridge stacked with beer is a welcome treat after the run.

The hash group turns out to be a roundy group of mzungus (white people). They find something to ‘punish’ people for (I get punished both for being new and speaking French). They make me down a cup of beer while they a sing some sort of song about being a piss pot. I got a special round of applause for being the wooly-socked Canadian who could chug the fastest beer. Wow.

I arrive home boiling, exhausted and pass out.

Arriving in the Warm Heart of Africa (October 23rd, 2011)

Sleep eludes me as I lie under a mosquito net for  the first time in my life in a lodge in Lilongwe, Malawi.

It is apparently 3AM, but my body has yet to sync with what my mind knows to be the time.

The occasional rooster goes off – I thought that they were only supposed to cock-a-doodle-do in the morning?

I feel mildly disoriented – the past 40 hours have been an absolute whirlwind.

I didn’t feel any excitement until I was on the plane from Addis Ababa to Lilongwe.

Sitting in the airport lounge, trying to stretch out my muscles after the 12 hour flight from Washington, I see Atuweni.

I met her in July in Armenia, before I had even applied for this volunteer posting.

She was a Malawian delegate to the meetings of the international organization that I was attending.  She had told me about Malawi and chuckled as she said ‘Maybe one day you will come see our country’.

Well, that has apparently happened.

Funnily enough, she was on the same flight to Lilongwe from a few days of business is Addis. Her presence reminds me of the serendipitous nature of human connections is this big, beautiful world. She invites me to join her and her family for church one Sunday and also invites me to go with her and her husband to volleyball on Wednesday. I eagerly accept both offers.

On the airplane to Lilongwe, I heave my oversized carry-on into the overhead bin. My Canadian patch must have given me away, for as I collapse sweating into my seat, ready for the last lag of my journey, the gentleman beside me asks if I am a WUSC  (World University Services Canada - link) Volunteer. Lucky is the Executive Director of a Youth NGO that trains Malawian youth on sexual and reproductive health. His organization has taken WUSC volunteers in the past and he hints that they need a new one. We talk and laugh throughout the flight and agree to be in touch in the near future.

As we land in Malawi, I already feel welcomed, connected and warmed by Atuweni and Lucky’s presence.

After elbowing my way to the small and crowded luggage belt to collect my 4 oversized suitcases, I heave them (along with my 2 giant carry ons and my overheated self) by the baggage inspection lady who looks at me suspiciously and asks if I am not bringing a lot for a year.

I feebly explain that I didn’t think my hair product is available in Malawi in attempt to mask the fact that two of the suitcases are full on donations of soap, toothbrushes, etc from my family and church.

Finally through, I am met by a WUSC Malawi coordinator and driver. We pile my things into a small-ish car with a cracked windshield and set off towards my new home.

Purple and red flowers on trees

The thing I notice first about the landscape are the trees – they are beautiful! Some have bright purple flowers and others are green and look like African savannah trees from national geographic. I suppose that is what they are!

We drive past people riding bicycles (often 2 per bike) and women carrying baskets on their heads with children in tow. The Zambian dance hall music beats from our car and out of my open window as we slow to pass jam-packed fuel stations. Steve, the WUSC Malawi officer explains that with the fuel shortage, people drive to the gas station in the morning and oftentimes wait all day for the fuel truck to arrive. Sometimes they don’t manage to fill up by the time the fuel is gone. There are so many cars jam-packed in and around the station that I can’t imagine there would be enough for each of them to drive their cars home at the end of the day.

I feel all-the-more grateful for the ride from the airport as the driver accelerates and we move beyond the visual manifestation of the fuel crises.

In the lodge I attempt to unpack but feel dizzy and fall asleep. When I wake up it is dark and I am a bit confused to be surrounded by the blue mosquito net. Growing up, friends who were into princesses had these hanging over their beds in Canada. Purely for show, the white nets elicited a feeling of a luxurious other-worldliness. As I lie hot in bed, the irony is not lost on me that these nets are a basic survival tool. I wonder if Disney will come up with Princess Please-God-I-Don’t-Want-to-Get-Malaria.  She could come accessorized with Deet, Malarone and some Purrell for good measure.

Speaking of Purell… In Canada, I tend to avoid hand santizer unless I am camping or sneezing at work. The reason being I want to keep my immune system strong via exposure. As such, I only brought a few small bottles of Purrell to Malawi as they were a gift from my colleagues.

I owe my colleagues a thank-you note. I had my first Purrell moment when I turned on the tap and watched brownish water fall over my hands, doing the opposite of cleaning them. I chuckle at the irony of Purrelling ones hands to get clean from the water you used to wash them.

Waking up under net
first day in Malawi

As I lie awake I feel oddly disconnected, like I have shed the intricate web of support that I am part of at home. I lie hot under the blue net feeling like an uprooted tree.  Severed from the land and nutrients that held it up.

I am alone.

I know that everyone is well-wishing from the other side of the world, but the reality is I am lying by myself far away under a mosquito net in Malawi. I allow the feelings to move through me and don’t hold onto them. I also feel free and excited. That’s all for now.

Xo Love Princess Purrell surrounded by a Mosquito net in Malawi.

Beginnings... on the plane to Malawi (October 22, 2011)

Beginnings are a funny thing.

I oftentimes wonder if they even exist in and of themselves at all.

Perhaps they are notable only because they make us take notice of the existence of something. As humans we need ritual to mark events in our shared and infinitely long story.

I am divided in writing this for it is unethical and impure to claim this as a beginning, but in my imperfection I need to start somewhere.

So welcome to this beginning, a folded page corner in a vast and expansive book. A small makeshift indicator to mark one human experience in our deliciously large and unfolding novel. 

I would like to start with a snippet of a personal story, although the truth is that no story is solely my own.

My mentor and beautiful friend Angela recently e-mailed me a poem that begins as follows:  

‘When you set out for Ithaca

ask that your way be long,

full of adventure, full of instruction...’

(Ithaca by C. Cavafy)

I enhale and feebly attempt to embrace the wisdom of these words as I sit in a jolting metal box in the sky hurdling towards Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. After countless vaccinations and 6 hurried weeks of preparation, I am on my way with my wits half about me and 400 malaria pills in tow.  

Although I have been in transit for 14 hours and have received two very 'up-close and personal' airport security checks, I am only a portion way through the beginning of this journey. Here are the details:

Final destination: Lilongwe, Malawi (not quite Ithaca!)

Mandate: Policy advocacy and research with Malawian HIV/AIDS NGOs.

Length of assignment: 1 year

Sponsor organization: Uniterra 

Is this really happening!?

I have looked into the faces of smiling and excited friends and family and feebly attempted to appear excited. I have hugged concerned and upset loved ones and hoped that my lack of emotion about my assignment didn’t seem ingenuine.

The reality is I don’t know what to expect. I have numbed myself to the impending reality of my new life. I don’t expect this to be easy, but I don’t know what to brace myself for.

In the past 2 days the location of my volunteer mandate has changed and expanded. Although I will still be doing policy advocacy and research, I am now scheduled to spend the first portion of the year in Lilongwe, the capital city. There I will share my time between the Malawi Network of People Living With AIDS (MANET +) and the Forum for African Woman Educationalists in Malawi (FAWEMA).

The second portion of my assignment will be the southern Malawian city of Blantyre, the country's commercial and economic hub. There I will volunteer with MANASO, Malawi’s Network of AIDS Service Organizations. 

I acknowledge these facts mentally although they elicit a flatline emotional response.

I remind myself why I am doing this. My passion is social justice in a health and human rights context. I am specifically interested in policy level responses to HIV/AIDS.  Rotary International has a ‘4-way test’ which asks 4 questions to help guide decision making. I use the test in the context of the HIV/AIDS epidemic to remember why I am on this airplane. 

(1) Is it the truth? / (2) Is it fair to all involved? 

It is NOT the truth or fair to all involved that the most marginalized communities and individuals in the world deserve to carry the burden of a preventable virus.

(3) Will it build goodwill and better friendships? 

The stigma surrounding HIV and AIDS does the opposite of building goodwill and bettering friendships - it propagates fear, violence and hatred.

         (4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

AIDS related illness is the number one cause of death in women of reproductive age worldwide. It devastates families, communities and continents by causing drought, death and by crippling economies. 

I sign off for now in gratitude for all of the beautiful people who have nourished me emotionally in preparation for this journey. My family moved me cities and offered up their basement for my things. My extended family showered me with encouragement and useful gifts.

Members of the United Church of Canada have provided me with over 50 pounds worth of useful items (soap, tooth brushes, etc) to donate on the ground.

My friends have been a garden of rocks. Firm in their support and freely giving in their love.

Thank you. 

I ask that my way be long and full of learning. 

I inhale and move forward.




*********

Some pictures of night-before preparations with my parents, Aunt Mary and Uncle Sandy

Mom & I

Dad

Sandy - he dutifully stood on the scale with the suitcases to ensure they weren't overweight...

Packing up Donations from Christ Church

Surrounded by suitcases!