During my time in Malawi I’ve done a lot of questioning.
I’ve often wondered if I have imposed myself by coming here to
work in development, a field that I know little about.
I’ve been questioning systems and structures of development
and watching my optimism dissolve into a realization that they aren’t always
all that they’re cracked up to be.
I’ve found out that the type of development that we imagine
is happening is oftentimes broken and that we can’t expect that our best
efforts will always translate into a full stomach or a sustainable solution.
I’ve discovered that we (myself and similar minded
individuals) can’t possibly believe that the way that WE think development
should work is absolutely right. I’ve
learned that the ‘dollars = higher moral ground’ equation deserves some serious
questioning.
At times I have felt hopeless and helpless and have left the
country twice during leave time to take a break.
One of these times I had the privilege of going to Ethiopia.
I will put details about my Ethiopia trip in another post, save for this.
I was sitting in a hostel in North Western Ethiopia when I
met a man whose name I fail to remember but whose words are entrenched in my
being.
He was Ethiopian, working as a professor in international
affairs and development at a nearby University.
I asked him questions on certain aspects of development, curious
to hear his thoughts and desperate to gain some perspective.
After answering my questions, he asked me what I thought.
I admitted to having little development knowledge or
background.
Admitted that I, like so many
other well-wishers had hoped to ally and support my Malawian counterparts in
their development work.
Admitted that I didn’t know anymore if I believed that
international development can actually work
‘Why?’ he asked.
I found myself searching exasperated for an answer.
I finally sputtered ‘it is more difficult than I ever
imagined…. the problems with development work are so BIG, the issues we are
fighting are so BIG, the challenges are so BIG…’
We sat silently in the wake of my awkward admission. When I
raised my eyes to meet his, he held my gaze and offered me one of the most
profound gifts I have received in the form of a seven single syllabled
words.
‘That is why you need BIG hope’.
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